Back-to-Home Shenanigans

6th Aug, 2019

It’s that time again! Plezdents wamerudi kututawala. In many households, the effects of this auspicious event are being felt.

Mornings are noisy. Wallets a blowing dry with each note folks have to spend. Houses are full to the brim. One loaf of bread is no longer enough. You’re probably anxious and no, don’t feel guilty for wanting to send them to shaggz because whew! These are trying times when everything feels like an extreme sport.

This takes me back to my days as the plezdent. My parents really got the blow of it all. Every holiday had one of us celebrating our birthdays and it was all the rage. So while your folks budgeted for a stay or some upcountry travel, mine had to do all that and plan to host the entire neighbourhood for our birthdays every holiday. Couple all that with Easter travels, Christmas, New Years, WHEW! Now it all makes sense when Mama Kingstone asks kina Kingstone ‘mnapereka wapi korogate?!’

Kuna time fulani we were all home and it was my kid bro’s birthdays. There was the parties that were thrown for me and my big bro; and then there was THE birthday party that was thrown for the ‘baby of the house’. The difference was clearly evident and this time it was no different.

My mom even had a birthday committee because ‘the baby must be spoilt rotten’. Plus wamama wa PTA na ploti had to know who’s who in the neighbourhood. After a couple of committee meetups, it was the big day. We will never make sense of who chose ‘ule Auintie wa kipackiwa chapo after events’ to be the treasurer but here we were.

My auntie is a peculiar character. If you’ve read my past blogs you have probably brushed shoulders with my relaz ratchetry. Kuchoma ndio tulipenda. But what d’you do? You’ve gotta love the fam.

She went missing in action and not only was she in charge of paying suppliers and caterers. The cake was also nowhere to be seen. My bro’s street cred legit stemmed from those things.

As my mom and bro grew anxious, my unruly uncle mwenye huchoma family events zote came up with a bright idea. In his true form, he got onto the table and, in between hiccups, announced to the guests that my bro’s birthday had been postponed. You can do anything you put your mind to, even postponing birthdays.

Mom had to start from scratch when the new date was settled upon. Just had me wondering, kwani hizo siku there were no debit cards? Hii aibu yote would have been avoided if there wasn’t so much trust placed on my autie’s matress banking.

This idea of not trusting banks has seen my relaz choma, tis was neither the first or last of it. Can never be me though. I was peeping KCBae’s debit card benefits and I just oop at anyone who wouldn’t go for it. I’m talking to you mom, don’t scroll.

Being able to pay for stuff at no extra cost? Ability to pay at millions of outlets? Bagging loyalty points for usage? Guaranteed security so my auntie doesn’t pull a Houdini with your loot? Ability to withdraw at any VISA branded ATM? Mkona jokes sana. And to top it all off, maneno yako inabaki between you and your bank.

To this date, some rude neighbours still refer to us as the family that postpones birthdays. My auntie was next seen some two years down the line. She runs a successful birthday event organizing gig – the nerve!

My heart goes out to you who’s going through the back-to-home trauma. You are not a bad parent for wanting to send them to shaggz. Mmeona unga ni pesa ngapi?

As a side note, sister ya Kingstone anaitwa nani?


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