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Enjoyment ikikuenjoy…

4th Oct, 2019

Kshs12K. That was the amount I borrowed on my first ever mobile loan. A long weekend was nigh and with that came impromptu plans for enjoyment.

As usual, Sospeter and Wafula were the plugs for what was looking like a really lit weekend ahead of us.

They came to me with all sorts of ideas and I remember spending a solid hour wondering how I ended up friends with this pair. I know that I keep complaining but deep down I would take a bullet for these two clowns… which makes me the clown but hey. They make for great company and despite getting me in tons of trouble, they also do come through for me.

These two are like kids on a sugar high when they are excited about something. So when they decided to vote in favour of a lil good ol’ camping trip, there was no way I was gonna win fighting that. And so we agreed we were going to drop pale Nax and have some enjoyment as the boyz.

As the date drew closer, it started to hit me that we wouldn’t be paid in time for me to secure a place in the trip. So what did mandem do? Mandem took a mobile loan. And that is how the amount Kshs12K is an eternally rude reminder of the unreserved debauchery I got myself into in my younger days. (Yes, we have since grown older and wiser)

I took the loan – paid for my transport and made my contribution for food and what not. I didn’t pay much mind to it… after all, si I was gonna pay it back the minute we got paid, right? Wrong!

The enjoyment in Nax was fun fun. Alafu si those guys can party. Watu till 5am wanarombosa tu. Ni kama hawana kwao. Then the way they fry mbuzi is something for the gods – and it slaps different at 4am in the morning. Whoever called it ‘Nax Vegas’ was really onto something and they’ll never know. Such is the irony of life but still; we keep it moving!

It was a great time that. Tulichokoza pale Instagram kabisa na kumaliza bundles za our 200 followers. Small small, we were back in Nairobi. Pay day came and went. And life continued to be a breeze.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks later, during a presentation, nikaenda mbele nikaacha simu where I was seated. I caught a vibe from the people who were sitting next to me and standing behind me but I paid no mind. After the meeting I tapped my phone screen to find a missed call from a number Truecaller identified as the mobile lender I owed. Shida tu. And sure enough, I caught wind of some interns wakinisema vile nilikuwa napigiwa na the said mobile lender so lazima ni deni.

Kidogo my SMS’s had a reminder to pay back the mobile lender. There was also another ‘polite’ reminder from the chama treasurer to pay my monthly contribution. Hawa treasurers wanakuwanga na kiburi sana until it’s time to plan a group activity and suddenly they can beat Houdini at his own game. Small small nikaanza kusweat.

I remember thinking, “Ungekuwa msmart, zile pesa uliomba, ungelipa chama immediately na ubaki na change ya enjoyment.”

But vile mimi si msmart, I used all that stash for fun times. So here I was, plagued with debt. A full on mobile loan, aibu za kulipa chama wa last, uchungu ya kulipa chama mara mbili na fine, and a salo that had been chewed up worse than a biro pen’s cover in any secondary boy school.

Ikabidi I borrow Sospeter. Ata ilikuwa jokes. Sikudhani kanaeza kuwa na pesa na vile he lives dangerously. Guess who is the clown now? Anyhu, I got cash from Sospeter to pay back the mobile loan, to get another mobile loan to pay the chama.

No one ever really tells you this but the truth is, once you get onto that DDRS (Debt Driven Repayment Scheme), kutoka huwa ngori ingine mwenda. So don’t be out here judging me when I tell you that over the next few months I borrowed from Wafula to pay the mobile loan and took the mobile loan to pay Sospeter.

At some certain point, my bad borrowing coupled with spending habits that literally made my wallet bleed, I was in debt with all three ‘lenders’. Y mobile lender had sliced my loan limit coz of late payments and what-have-you. But because ‘problem solving’ features in my resume as a strength, mandem opted for another mobile loan provider to inject another inflow to keep the cogs of my DDRS going. Such is life in this big big Nairobi.

What started off as a kaplan for fun times took me about six months to recover from. Now I’m not saying msiombe. A salo cannot 100% sustain you and accommodate your goals. Loans are a part of life. “Inauma but inabidi uzoee…”

Lakini mkiomba pia make it worth the while. Push that loan into your biz, nunua shares, lipa chama, pay an urgent bill… something substantial.

Leo nimeongea bila jokes because I’m seeing a lot of you struggling with small small bad debt because the options have been made way too many and too easily accessible.

So what will you do with your next KCB M-PESA loan? Na by the way mmelipa deni zenu ama niachane na vitu  hazinihusu? 😂😂

Over&Out,
The Witty Banker

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