Laugh at Our Pain to the Masters

24th Jun, 2019

Few things amuse me. Si kama Wafula na Sospeter. Everything is funny to them. Juzi ATM card imemezwa… walicheka karibu wakufe. Saa zingine you just become friends with people coz there’s no one else lying around. I digress. But guess what is definitely going to amuse me? How these two will behave during the incredibly fast approaching KCB Karen Masters.

If you aren’t familiar with these two clowns and why I try as hard as I can not to take them anywhere where my image matters, please refer to my posts from last year. Kuchoma tu.

As it were, Sospeter has recently joined Tinder in hopes of securing a yeng. And as usual, he slid Wafs into potential bae’s BFF’s DM. They amuse me these two. They are laughable but the loyalty between them is something for the books.

Sasa shida ni, bankers hulipwa mapema and being ‘on brand’ these two clowns know they’ll be brokaz by the time the event gets here. So guess what? They’ve gone into a venture. They’ve put together the peanut remains from last month’s salo, or so they claim. Although vile nawajua najua tu ni mabaki ya the KCB M-PESA loans they took two weekends ago during a night of shenanigans and debauchery. But mimi niingilie wanaume wawili juu ya mifuko yao. Can never be me.

So this venture involves buying bulk bundles and selling them to uni kids pale kwa bridge. Na nilishindwa sana how this pair just took interest in the arts overnight the first day walidai wanaenda KNT. NKT! (See what I did there)

I might just mess around and call ^ER wa Safaricom. But then again I’d risk missing my promised comedy pale Masters. Plus momma didn’t raise no snitch. So here we are.

Jana tukaenda Js. Hata mseme nini, Thursday nights slap different there. When the night was over Wafs and I split a cab. Sospeter insisted he would jav. So we bid each other goodbye and everyone went their own way. Except Wafs who came to crash in my Kenpoly plastic chair sababu bedsitter things. Saa zingine mi hujiuliza kama Wafs akona kwake. He also comes to work weirdly early. Ama anaishi kwa ofisi. Okay, I do not know this man at all. What even is his first name?!

Fast forward to this morning. We couldn’t reach Sospeter. This guy haezi kuwa mteja even if it was the Armagedon. Ndio arisk missing out on a deal? Heri ameze ndoma baridi. Kitu huyu mtu haezi uza ni watu. And even then I can’t say that as a fact. I’ve caught him looking at Wafs and I funny vile nani huangalia shamba. If you know, you know.

Getting to the office, we find Sos looking like he had a longer night than we all did. Like someone with more than 24hrs a day. So the hommie got jumped na hiyo kiherehere ya kuenda kupanda at 3am kama mtu hana akili. He lost everything on him.

Small small… Wafula goes:

Simu ilikuwa na bundles imeenda. Sos hana ID.

So I guess I’ll be attending the Masters solo. My Friday black and white is sorted. Sunday cowboy outfit is also sorted. Yule uncle wangu wa kutumiwa CVs aliacha one of those hats kwetu.

Shida ni Saturday theme ya Ankara na denim.

Sasa natafuta someone’s daughter tushoneshe vitenge zinamatch. I don’t have much time.


Kindly share. Someone’s daughter might be on your timeline.


Over & Out,

The Witty Banker

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