When Money Talks…

9th Aug, 2019

There’s two types of cousins. The Guests of Honour and the plezdents. (Allow it. I’ll be on this tip for a while). Guess which one I was a year ago? Wanasemanga nothing is too big for Him. Alinitoa plezdency akaniweka kwa VIP list.

Forget being jobless, no one was born employed unless you’re a royal baby. Trust me, things could get worse. Like, you could be employed but you’re always broke. Najua hiyo statement imeumiza watu wengi. I’m not out here to apply heat to burnt area. That was me last year.

Somehow you find ways to move about, to eat, to make rent and the demon of them all: Bills! Bills! Bills! I really curse my younger days as I jammed to Destiny’s Child’s Bills! Bills! Bills! This girl group had me head bopping and snapping my fingers away instead of preparing me for the struggle.

But that’s a lot of our realities: You pay your dues and go out twice; kasalo ndiyo hakoooo…. Until next month.

You get the picture. Uchungu wa ulimwengu aujuaye ni the broke working class. It’s not even intuitive, the sifiya pain, I mean. As long as you can get by, you will always be content. The pain is from society. Woe unto you kwanza if you are a broke working class in an office job.

It’s really everyone else. It’s your folks who believe without a shadow of doubt that you are now all grown up and completely financially independent. It’s your cousins who see another emergency contact when they come to Nairobi na ‘anataka kuenda out’. It’s your siblings who constantly want pocket money (Hii pesa huenda wapi btw? Unaishi hostel ikona meal plan na KDF ni 10 bob!). It’s your uncle who can’t eat ugali Sukuma without nyama when you exist. It’s your preacher auntie who is ever hosting wamama wa church.

Basically you’re not allowed to be broke if you have a job. Kwanza if you still live with the folks, whew! A story for another day.

This has to be the longest background I’ve ever written. You’re probably wondering what I’m getting at (This is the bloggers’ version of “Welcome to my channel! A lot of you have been asking about my skin care routine). So I’ll jump right to it.

Last year I skipped Christmas in the village coz I couldn’t make those ridiculously hiked fares and still manage to go with Christmas shopping. So I used the ol’ ‘I’m part of the Christmas working team’ card. My family is extra about literally everything. We travel to the village mid-Dec and come back Mid-Jan. A whole month’s Christmas – Imagine that!

When the New Year was upon us, fares normalized so I went to the village with some kidogo shopping. My cousins would later drive to the shopping centre every day and come hailing tons of shopping so my contribution looked like a whole joke.

Here’s how my stay went:

Day 1: “Please margarine the bread for everyone” (We’re like 30 😑😑😑)

Day 2: “Please make the tea”

Day 3: “Please boil the milk”

Day 4: “Please milk the cow”

Day 5: “Please feed the cow”

Day 6: “Please kata the thaara”

Day 7: “Please harvest the thaara”

All this while the Guests of Honour wamekaa tu. Entertaining the baby cousins with the latest version of Candy Crush. Mimi mlikuwa mmeniibia simu ile event ya Ty Dollar Sign. Nairobiii!

Before it hit me what was happening, I held a virtual certificate in farm management bila kujua. I faked a job emergency nikarudi very fast to my bedstitter!

My relaz are not bad people. It’s just… Money talks different and that’s the truth.

Umeanza kusave for Christmas ama wewe ndiye utakuwa unatumwatumwa kunoa jembe na kutafuta ule Uncle yako mwenye huchoma anakosa kurudi home?

Miezi zimesalia hizooo🖖🏽. Choose wisely son, open a KCB Goal Account.



Over & Out,
The Witty Banker.

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